My name is Bobbie and this is my story: I am a woman. A mother. A wife. I was born and raised in Indiana; where I was subjected to emotional and physical abuse by my grandmother. I’ve been told my tale of abuse began when I was just weeks old. You see, my parents thought a two week old baby should be sleeping through the night. When that didn’t happen, they hit me to release their frustrations and rage in hopes that I’d stop crying. I didn’t. When I was two, my father left, and my mother moved us in with my grandparents.
My grandmother hated me from my very first breath. Her hatred poured out of her through her fists, words, neglect, and various forms of physical abuse. All while my mother watched. My older sister tried to protect me, but she wasn’t around all of the time. I retreated into myself. My friends knew my grandmother was mean but nobody knew the extent of my abuse. School did not recognize my cries for help in the form of severe anxiety. My mother did not recognize my need for help when I dropped out of high school or when I dated man after man-searching for love.
Eventually I moved to California to marry a man who’d provide me with the same abusive environment I had when I was younger. I stayed for 7 years. During year 5, I got pregnant for the first time. On August 5th, my first and only daughter was born sleeping because I went into premature labor-most likely due to stress. In 2008, I gave birth to my first baby boy. One day, my husband became enraged because I placed our son’s diaper bag on the couch (instead of the floor), he threw it against the wall, knocking off a plaque and scaring our son. My baby cried and reached for mommy. I thought to myself….What am I doing? Do I want my son to grow up in this environment? Do I want to be like my mother and NOT protect him?
During the day while my husband was at work, I packed up our belongings and left. I hired a lawyer and he suggested I not allow visitation until the court orders it because I didn’t know what my ex would do. I followed my lawyer’s suggestions. My ex made our lives hell.
A year later I married again. This time to a man who was the complete opposite of my ex-husband. He didn’t emotionally or physically abuse me. He actually didn’t do much of anything. When I got pregnant with my second son, my ex-husband lost it and accused my current husband of abusing my son. After a long investigation by the court, it was determined that there was no evidence of abuse. I was so physically and mentally worm out by this man that my body broke down.
I was 8 months pregnant when I began passing out. I had a hard time functioning and making it through the day. My doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me. After spending the remainder of my pregnancy on bed rest, I delivered a very healthy 9 pound baby boy.
My health did not improve. After seeing several doctors, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which made my thyroid toxic to my body. The road to treatment was long and I was miserable. I couldn’t function. I hated life. In March, 2014, I began radiation treatment. I finally began to heal after being in isolation for 6 weeks-away from my family.
In June, 2014, I discovered that my husband was having an affair. When I confronted him about the affair, he said my illness was too great of a burden and life was miserable for him. I got mad. I got desperate. Then I woke up.
I decided I wasn’t doing this anymore. I wasn’t looking for love and acceptance from a man. I wasn’t going to allow ANYONE to treat me poorly any longer. I was going to find peace. I was going to find love. I was going to find myself.
Through all of this I returned to school to get my high school diploma. I received my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology, and then graduate degree in therapy.
Later I went on to marry for the third time. This time I carefully decided what type of partner I wanted. What qualities he needed to possess and what life goals he needed to be in align with. The universe listened and I found my soulmate. The one who my soul craves. We are in alignment in every aspect of life.
I have since learned that as an adult, I can protect myself and I can live free from abuse. I will not be held down any longer. I flipped a switch and found my confidence and self-worth.
Today I am a survivor. Abuse dose not define me. Cancer does not define me. I define me.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a woman surrounded by light.
I am Bobbie, a Brave Babe.
I love and and accept myself.